Sunday, February 20, 2005, 2:38 AM
ITS NOT YOU.ITS ME.
We broke up at 10.59 pm on 20 Feb via sms."Rach i don't know how to tell you this but i guess i got to.it isn't fair to u..i feel that our r/s isn't going anywhere its not you..its me i'm so sorry i think i got commitment problems i'm so sorry..you're a really nice girl i hope we can still be friends." I wasn't really damn shocked bout the fact we broke up...cos i kinda feel like it ain't working out too..all my friends could see it coming...i just refuse to see it..i knew it was all just a matter of time..Of cos i felt damn sad and cried ...I talked to Steph and i'm feeling much better.I remembered telling my ex classmates...If he were to break my heart..it would really be the last straw for me.i'll most probably turn against going for a guy.Its gonna be real hard for me to trust a guy and let me love him...Cos everytime i fall harder for someone,i get hurt much more too.A lot of my r/s with guys just ain't working out..My first bf-he dumped me...HanQing,i liked him for damn long period of time,nothing came out of it too..Morten played me out..Neil didn't work out too..Marc made money issues that bad for me that i'm still having phobias and insists on going dutch...he was possessive and violent and made threats...i got freaked out...Its just all sooo wrong?!!? Why so difficult?Argh.Anyways,i still treat Ben like a friend..just like what i do with the rest.Yeah.He was fun...really.But he couldnt give me the attention i needed..I love being with him..he made me happy...So much so that i was trying soo hard and be so willing to accept the lil attention he gave me.Boy was i damn nice,so darn understanding,so darn foolish.He says its better for me this way,i can find a guy that really cherishes me.Hur.I told him...i don't wanna find another guy to cherish me..what fer?I'll just end up getting hurt over and over again..WHY DON'T I EVER LEARN MY LESSON!ARGHHHHHHH.GIMME A BREAK!WHY DO YOU KEEP HURTING ME?BABY YOU'RE GONNA DRIVE ME CRAZY!I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU
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